Paul Ryan and Donald Trump sit down at Republican National Committee headquarters on Capitol Hill to hash out a couple little things, like who is running the party and who is the actual Republican.
“Welcome to Washington, Donald,” Ryan says, shaking hands with the presumptuous nominee. “Reince says you’re far more gracious in private than in public and I sure hope that’s true.”
Trump smirks and pulls out his bottle of industrial-strength sanitizer, squirting a prodigious amount on his hands.
Trying to thaw the chill, the House speaker displays his best ingratiating Irish undertaker air. “Hey,” he says, “thanks for not calling me Lyin’ Ryan.”
“I never use the same adjective twice,” Trump replies coolly. “As you know, I do have killer instincts. That’s how I knocked out 16 losers. So let’s try a few names for kicks. Pious Paul? Pompous Paul? Phony Paul? Back-Stabbing, Blindsiding Paul who hung me out to dry to protect his own presidential ambitions for 2020?”