Donald Trump's victory speech, loosely paraphrased:
Barron, my boy, this is quite expected.
There was never going to be any other outcome. I knew: All I had to do was want it.
Son, never let anyone tell you that your dream is impossible. Never let them tell you that the white Christian son of a millionaire cannot grow up to be the next president of the United States! In fact, we are practically the only ones who ever have! (Legitimately, that is.)
Listen, this is America. This is a land of dreamers, and you can dream big.
People always tell you that all you have to do is work hard and believe in yourself, and you can accomplish anything. That's a lie. You don't have to work hard.
You don't need to study or prepare or even read a single book. If you want to, you can read "All Quiet on the Western Front," but you don't even have to do that! It's not important. All you have to do is BELIEVE! This also makes a great substitute for vaccines.