All hail Augusts Trumpus — the American Putin, whom none can criticize! All hail the All Knowing One, who reveals “realities” that aren’t there and finds “facts” that mere mortals can’t detect.
Once again, the Amazing Donald has demonstrated his phantasmagoric power of perception, having found a new outcome in November’s election that others haven’t seen. Trump has been greatly perturbed by the official results, which showed that while he won the Electoral College majority, he wasn’t the people’s choice.
Instead, according to the latest tally, Hillary Clinton won the popular balloting by a margin of more than 2.5 million votes and counting.
Growing increasingly furious at this affront to his supernatural sense of self, the master of factual flexibility went on Twitter with an amazing revelation: “I won the popular vote,” decreed our incoming tweeter-in-chief.
How did he turn a 2.5 million vote loss into a glorious victory? “I won,” he tweeted, “if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally.”