Alexandra Petri

01/17/2017 - 2:00pm

    Donald Trump has been blessed with two tall and healthy adult sons who have slain numerous wild beasts using only sticks that spit fire. They are married to human women, and their hair is sleek and glossy like the back of a marmot. They possess the right number of teeth. Donald Trump loves to speak to them and give them his counsel, and the one great...

10/20/2016 - 11:00am

    It is time someone got to the bottom of everything that people say about Hillary Clinton. Who is she? More importantly, WHAT is she? I have compiled the following timeline of her life by combining all the actual theories about her. When lined up together, they form quite a biography.

10/05/2016 - 8:00pm

    "All things considered, it would seem like a good idea to write about my dog," wrote James T. Neal.

    It was Tuesday, July 20, 1965. Neal was editor of the Noblesville Daily Ledger, a small Indiana newspaper. The day before, he had been...

09/26/2016 - 1:00pm

    With a big debate coming up on Monday, there has been a lot of talk about how to moderate the discussion. Fortunately, Donald Trump's team has prepared the following list of suggestions so that the debate will be as Fair and Unbiased as possible.


09/18/2016 - 12:00am

    Let us suppose, for a moment, that everything we have ever heard about Hillary Clinton's health is true.

    She has had multiple strokes. Also, she has multiple sclerosis.

    She depends upon a...

08/25/2016 - 8:00am


    Take that, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Mr. You Are Entitled To Your Own Opinion, But Not Your Own Facts. Fact-check rating: Entirely false. You are entitled to your own set of facts. It's the...

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